When Family Values Become Idolatry

The institution of the family is one of the most basic building blocks of a society. But it is not the most basic level, as a family is a unit comprised of individuals. Yet today there are many who say that the family, not the individual, is the base unit of society. What is the difference?

The main difference is that if we fail to view the family as a sum of unique parts, but instead view it as a single homogenous entity, we fail to recognize the distinct individuals in each family. For example, if the family is overemphasized, the desire to preserve family unity and appearance ends up trumping each individual’s gifts and personal needs.

Therefore, it is important that while there is no need to denigrate the family, there is also inherent danger in exalting it to the point where it becomes the end in itself, a public face that all members of the family must sacrifice to in order to maintain the family image.

Moving from hypothetical generalities to specific instances: there is a fringe organization known as the Vision Forum, a parachurch group located in Texas, which emphasizes the family unit to the point where individualism is almost looked down upon. The organization’s stated purpose is that they are “dedicated to the restoration of Christian family culture.”[i] What does that “Christian family culture” entail?

First, it appears that it entails a patriarchal figure determining a goal for his descendants – and then doing what is necessary to ensure his children and his children’s children meet his goal. As stated in an informational page on the Vision Forum website: “For our children to be mighty in the land, we must embrace a long-term vision of victory, and this will only be achieved if we take steps now to plan and implement multi-generational goals for our families.”[ii] Personally, I find it highly pompous that an individual would try to prescribe goals for his children and grandchildren – and further descendants for the next 200 years![iii] There are some things which are acceptable – even commendable – such as desiring to see one’s children and grandchildren and many generations beyond that serving the Lord. But this goal should not be for one’s own legacy, reputation, or benefit. Instead, the goals advocated include number of children one’s own children and grandchildren will have, skills they are to attain, books they are to write, and even businesses they are to establish.[iv]

Second, as previously alluded to, this system (commonly entitled “patriarchy”)[v] denies the individuality of each member of the family. If each family member is simply a pawn in the hand of the almighty patriarch, whether he be the father, grandfather, great-grandfather, or long-since-passed-on great-great-grandfather, then he has no individual rights, no room to fulfill his own dreams, and ultimately, no freedom to be who God has called him to be. Under the ideals presented by this patriarchal system, a man is not even granted the freedom to set his own goals until he marries. But even the individual he marries is not ultimately a choice he makes, but rather something that his parents have a significant role in setting up.[vi] (Disclaimer: This is not cited directly from a Vision Forum publication, but rather from the writings of someone influenced by Vision Forum. My personal experience from dialogue with those involved with and influenced by VF materials confirms that this is a prevalent VF teaching and thus falls within the scope of this examination.)

The patriarchal system, however, leaves even less freedom for women than it does for men. Within the system presented as an ideal – no, not just an ideal, but a mandate – a married woman has no other place than at home, cleaning, cooking, sewing, and producing babies. Single women are said to “have more flexibility in applying the principle that women were created for a domestic calling,”[vii] but even so are made to feel like anything but being a homemaker is not only less than ideal, but actually sinful.

For unmarried men and women, Vision Forum explicitly states that they remain under their father’s jurisdiction until the point of being released.[viii] This concept of release is extrabiblical but has been well-established as a law within families and churches that subscribe to the patriarchal doctrines.

This causes unnecessary heartache for parents and their adult offspring alike. The framework is set such that adult children are likely to feel guilty for even desiring something for themselves apart from the “vision” set by their parents. Thus, it is not uncommon for someone past the age of 20, perhaps even past the age of 30, to live under their parents’ roof, be entirely dependent on their parents, and have no goals apart from what their parents set. Should they have an individual desire, in all likelihood it will be seen as rebellion and be treated as wrong. As stated above, even marriage is something which tends to be overseen by the parents. This ultimately fulfills the previously stated goal of the subsequent generations following the vision set by the patriarch, or in simpler terms, one’s ability to have grandchildren made pretty close to his own image. This level of control is unhealthy, both for the “patriarch” (due to him becoming a “priest figure” or even a “god figure”) as well as the offspring, who have the equivalent of a human guru or priest guiding their way instead of having these decisions be the product of their relationship with Christ. And ultimately, it becomes a form of idolatry, because something other than Jesus Christ becomes the primary focus. The focus may be doing whatever it takes to get a “Christian America”, looking good in society, being well-spoken of, ideals of “militant fecundity”[ix], etc. (for the patriarch), or looking to a human rather than to God for direction (for the offspring). Either way, something or someone has entered a role that should belong to God alone, and this is idolatry.

If the reader is one who sees himself as a “patriarch,” I urge you to re-evaluate your goals. I would venture to say that anything more than desiring that your children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and so on be strong followers of Christ is more than necessary. Many things may be your vision, feeding your ego – and may not be God’s will for those individuals, who are individuals before God just as you are, with equal rights and equal access to God. The only thing that you can, and should, desire is that they be strong Christians, trusting in Christ alone (not you, not anyone else, but Christ alone). And if the reader is an offspring or someone who is under the authority of a “patriarch” – consider whether you are in a position where your relationship with Christ can be your own or if another is putting himself in a position to be as your “high priest,” a mediator between God and you. “For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all, which is the testimony given at the proper time.”[x] If this is the case, you must prayerfully evaluate whether you can persuade the individual to let you be free in Christ, or whether leaving is the healthier option. And finally, as Paul exhorted Timothy, “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.”[xi]

[i] “Description” meta tag, http://www.visionforum.com/, 4/25/08

[ii] Retrieved from http://www.visionforum.com/booksandmedia/productdetail.aspx?productid=43872 on 4/25/08.

[iii] http://www.visionforum.com/hottopics/blogs/dwp/2008/03/3482.aspx

[iv] http://www.mikesoutherland.com/blog/2006/12/thatll-never-work-lets-just-see-about.html

[v] http://www.visionforumministries.org/home/about/biblical_patriarchy.aspx

[vi] http://www.mikesoutherland.com/blog/2006/12/thatll-never-work-lets-just-see-about.html, paragraph 11

[vii] http://www.visionforumministries.org/home/about/biblical_patriarchy.aspx, items #13-15

[viii] http://www.visionforumministries.org/home/about/biblical_patriarchy.aspx, item #22

[ix] http://www.visionforum.com/hottopics/blogs/dwp/2007/05/2614.aspx

[x] I Timothy 2:5,6. The Holy Bible, English Standard Version

[xi] I Timothy 4:12. The Holy Bible, English Standard Version