I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit lately. When there are a lot of things going on, it’s easy to get really worked up about them – will everything be done on time? Will it be done right? What if something goes wrong?  And so on – you get the idea. But I’ve been wondering… is this right? Or does stress indicate a lack of faith – not believing God’s promises that he has everything under control?

My grandma often used to say that worry (and anxiety, and stress) are signs of weak faith. That if someone allowed themselves to get really worked up over something, it meant they weren’t trusting God to meet all their needs.  And I’m have to say that’s right.

There are some people who never get worked up about things. They are always calm, always seem to have an almost “oh well” attitude about anything.  Some who don’t understand them well might even think they’re apathetic.  Others are always so tense that you might hesitate to even be around them, wondering what little thing will set them off.  Most are somewhere in between.  But regardless of the area, it seems that for most people there are certain areas where we just like to be able to feel like we’re at least somewhat in control over things.  We build nice little “safe houses” for ourselves.  They’re manageable, set up just a certain way, neat, predictable, and safe.  We’re probably awfully proud of them – made just our way, representing all our abilities, really, they seem like quite perfect little shelters. The walls protect from the crazy and unpredictable world outside.  The door cannot be broken down by anyone.

But similar to Jack Miller’s analogy of how God invites people to himself, God finds a way into these safe little bunkers.  Why does he do that?  Because in shutting out everything else but things of our own creation and comfort, we shut him out too. We trust our own designs and planning, and this cannot be – he wants to be “number one” and be where we place our trust, and so as a jealous God he will not stand for anything else taking that place!  So what’s He to do?  Again, as Miller said, he starts lighting a bunch of little fires inside.  And so it’s not so comfortable inside anymore… you know, it’s actually getting pretty smoky!  We have to make a quick decision… will we stick it out, or run?  The natural, human decision is to stick it out.  After all, it’s OUR fortress!  We built it with our own strength and made it just how we wanted it!  So then stress levels rise as the heat increases and the smoke starts to burn and sting.  By this point we’re miserable, but still try to put out the fires – we built it with our own hands, so we can save it with our own hands – but it’s a lost cause. There are more of them all the time.  We become infuriated, thinking… no, shouting… things like:  “Why wasn’t I able to stop the fires from starting? Am I not strong enough?  …Someone must really hate me to do this to me, to violate my personal space like this!  …Whoever you are will you just GO AWAY and leave me alone!?”  But eventually, we have to resign and get out, and stand there and watch it all fall apart. It feels like dying. But as it burns, if we stop shouting into the wind long enough to listen, we might hear God saying something like, “Come see the great, safe palace I’ve built… and it’s all yours. It’s so much bigger and better and more perfect than that ugly war bunker you built.  After all that’s all it was, a dark, cramped, bunker!  It looked like a prison!  But you built it yourself, in your own strength, and were so proud of it, there was no other way of getting you out.  But I found a way, and I did it all for you. Now come see what life is like in the king’s palace. You will have everything you need and things you never even dreamed of. You will be safe, protected, fully fed, peaceful, and happy.  Come and eat, sleep, be healed, and live freely. And it’s yours at no cost to you, other than giving up that ugly bunker you were so proud of.”

This is what anxiety is like. A clammy, ugly, bunker.  Just because it’s familiar to us and something we can manage, doesn’t make it right. In fact, it’s a choice of an ugly bunker when we could have a palace.

Then why do we choose it?  Because it feels safe.  It comes from a desire to be able to control more – we’re anxious about the things we can’t control, but want to.  Giving it up means giving up the rights to even control what little we’re currently able to.

Burning that bunker to the ground is an act of love on God’s part. How can it be loving to do what seems to hurt – burning our efforts to the ground?  Because those efforts aren’t good enough.  But he loves us so much that he gives us what we need, one hundred percent of it, one hundred percent undeserved.  It is by God’s grace that our vain, prideful attempts to create order are undone, and so we are left with no choice but to run into the gospel. (Then, as Jack Miller once put it, we will probably say something like “look what wonderful free will I have – and go write a book about it”… prideful fools that we are.)  It is an act of loving grace that causes our works to crumble and we’re forced to stop relying on our strength, let God guide, and be happy and even peaceful in his care.

Yes, this is contrary to man’s wisdom – how often do we hear that we are supposed to be strong, self-reliant, able to handle literally anything?  A lot. But this can only be the case in a life without God, or one that is opposed to God. Self-reliance, trusting in one’s own strength, and so on – is pride. Pride is raising self up over everything else – God too. And remember he won’t settle for that number two role.  No, he will fight for that number one role.  And that too is gracious love.  Pride leads to destruction – and by breaking our pride, tearing down our careful organization, planning, strength, and false sustenance, God is stepping in, and basically saying, “I love you too much to let you stay on the road to destruction. I choose to save you from yourself, to save you from death.”  There’s no place for that in conventional thinking, popular psychology, and intellectual reason.  But that’s the core of the gospel – we have nothing: no goodness, no strength, nothing at all…  But it also says we have everything because God is everything… our righteousness, our strength, our surety, our peace.  We have a heavenly Father that loves us.  Because of that we can find happiness in every day just based on what He brings, knowing that we may not understand what’s happening but know that He’s in control and will not allow us to fail.